Behind the scenes of my new photos

 Have you ever seen a photo of yourself and cringed?  

I can totally relate.  

A few weeks ago I had some new photos taken. 

I remember very vividly my painful experience of looking at photos of myself in the past. 

I’d feel completely deflated.  

The army of voices in my head berated me…"your face is fat", "you’ve gained weight", "you’re not good enough" are just a few of the awful things my mind shouted at me.  

On the inside, these mean inner voices knocked me down. 

And on the outside, food was also my weapon against myself. 

Eating foods that I knew would hurt my stomach or leave me bloated, lethargic and foggy.  

Both made me want to crawl out of my skin. And secretly wish I could live someone else’s life instead.  

But last week, when I received my new photos from my photographer, I had a drastically different experience as I clicked thru over 333 pictures of myself…

First, there was no army of voices in my head. It was just peace.  

Which makes sense because I’ve done a lot of work to ship off those voices of self-hate on a one-way ticket to Bora Bora.  

It was really great to see they’re still on vacation. 

Also, there was no anger stewing inside of me saying, "I should have worked out more" or "I wish I was better than this". 

There were simply 2 things happening inside of me: S P A C E and self-love.
  
As I clicked thru each picture I noticed I added comments to the photographer like "Love", "LOVE" and "LOVE!!!!!! YES".  

I was finally seeing myself with loving eyes (something that once felt like woo-woo bullshit).  

I was acknowledging my beauty and feeling grateful for my body, the strong vessel and container for my life. 

My intention in sharing this with you is not to brag. But to show you that those angry, mean girl voices in your head can actually STOP.

I now see that I put the cookie down, ended my fight with food and overcame my emotional eating, I also completely ended the fight against myself.  

Which is why I’m on a mission to support women to stop abusing themselves, with food, their thoughts and their feelings.  

So, if you currently cringe when you see a photo of yourself and have an army of voices in your head that leave you bruised, battered and crawling to the cookies for comfort, fill out this application right now.

We have some important work to do.  

Loving you (even if you don’t love yourself YET 🙂 . 

PS. If you’re thinking, “it’s easy for her to love herself because she’s lucky. She’s already beautiful and thin.”…well, this is the inner mean girl voice of self-hate and self-sabotage in action.  

I was born beautiful and so were you. We both grew up and currently live in a culture that teaches us that we’re not good enough, not thin enough, not beautiful enough…

A few years ago I made a decision "enough with the not enough" and to do the real work to love myself no matter what the world around me says or looks like.   

So I stand here as proof that no matter how much you hate yourself or feel numb to yourself right now, you can experience something different. You can return to love.   

PPS. Really excited to share more of these photos with you. I finally feel like they are really ME. 

 

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